Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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