We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
