there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
