I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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