when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
