guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
