I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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