I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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