I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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