so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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