I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
