You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
