just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have aggressive nipples.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
