Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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