Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
