He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
