Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
