And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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