Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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