Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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