got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
