Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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