There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
