at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize