i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize