So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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