the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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