i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
