You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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