It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
