After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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