I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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