I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i dont even know how to be here
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Randomize
