I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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