So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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