i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
