I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
