its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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