He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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