I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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