your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
