i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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