fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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