Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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