come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Drake has all the answers
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
