I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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