My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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