I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
