youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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