i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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