So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
