having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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