Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
