I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
