I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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