when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
