great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
