he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
