You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
