Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
