My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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