I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
