butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I met the friendliest cop last night
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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