I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
