her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize