dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
