I didn't shave. On purpose
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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