Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
