Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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