so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
