So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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