All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
