Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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